Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
