I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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