Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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