it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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