how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
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