Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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