we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
how do you play pong handcuffed?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
