just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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