so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't deserve a penis
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
