Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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