just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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