Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
