i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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