Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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