You don't have asthma, your pregnant
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
