Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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