i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
