she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
