i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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