Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
