the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The uberlube is also flammable
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
