i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
