Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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