Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
