If i come over, it means nothing
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
