roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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