guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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