why didn't you poke me back
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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