I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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