I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
