This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
