Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
