You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
