i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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