i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
