I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
