if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
