The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
