I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize