btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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