last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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