Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
