Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i need some magic done to my vagina
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
