the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
