i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Drunk is a universal language darling
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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