We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
