The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
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