I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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