I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
