He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
