I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
