he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
