u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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