your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize