Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize