Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
