I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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