idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I accidentally had phone sex last night
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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