And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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