I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize