New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
